Our downstairs neighbor invited us to dinner the other night. They are a muslim couple from South Africa and have rented out the entire bottom floor so that she doesn’t have to be covered up all the time. After he got back from the mosque, we broke the fast with him. It was quite good, biyarini, some juice, and some other little finger foods. Here’s the thing, we all knew that his wife was the one who prepared all of this, but we never saw her. We expected this, the men and women simply do not mix, if I go to someone’s house I not only do not talk to any women, but I never see them. I’m almost (almost) used to this. The thing I still have problems with is that it is impolite to even mention the wife. I cannot compliment his wife’s cooking, cannot inquire about her health, and I especially can’t ask what her name is. I have to pretend that she doesn’t exist.
I mentioned to Diana (a fellow American student) that I am still uncomfortable with this sort of arrangement but that I figured that I would have to get used to it. She said no, I should never get used to it. I think she’s right. It’s one thing to be accommodating to a culture, it’s quite another to go against your beliefs. I’m not going to piss anyone off, but I will still think of the wives, even when I’m not supposed to…
3 replies on “Getting used to it…”
mmmmm…. wives.
you can’t commend the cook? Sorry but somebody has been pulling your leg. You certainly can. You can also politely enquire about the health of the spouse by asking how is the family even in the most conservative families.
Actually, it has been made quite clear to me that even a sideways mention of the wife is frowned upon. Of course different families have different views on things, and had I known him better, I might have ventured to compliment the cook. In my past dealings with him, he was visibly nervous about me being on the same floor as his wife… I do realize that I can ask about “the family,” but that’s not really asking about the wife is it. I still find it sad that I have to ask about the family if I want even a hope of hearing about the wife.
Isaac